030115lilysami
06:04 GT: Lily walks up to Sami. "So, Doir's relapsed again." 06:04 GT: "Beau said to come to you to help snap him out of it." 06:05 AA: "Relapsed?" 06:05 AA: Sami re-captchalogs the "lesson plans" she had been writing up for the flying lessons she's preparing for, and gives Lily her attention. 06:05 AA: "What are you talking about? Is he sick?" 06:05 GT: "He ran out of shits to give," she says flatly. 06:06 AA: Sami sighs. "Yeah, I was afraid he might be headed in that direction." 06:06 AA: "Ever since that night on the roof of the casino." 06:08 GT: "I dunno, he seemed pretty dadly back then." 06:10 AA: "He seemed like he was losing hope, to me." 06:11 AA: "And then lately he's started questioning his relationship with Nate." 06:11 GT: She pauses. "Wait, OK, how much of the rooftop stuff did you hear?" 06:11 GT: "Were you seriously faking being asleep, because I'm going to be really impressed if you were." 06:12 AA: Sami shrugs. "I think I was sleeping. But you know how you dream things that you hear when you're sleeping?" 06:12 AA: "So it's sort of fuzzy but it was still in your head." 06:12 GT: "Huh." she grins. "Oh man, what did my dream self look like." 06:13 GT: "Did I have wings. Tell me I had wings." 06:13 AA: "I don't know, I don't really remember my dreams." 06:13 AA: "He's not acting all Jack-y or anything, is he?" 06:14 AA: "I was scared he was headed in that direction before his 'character development,' as he called it." 06:14 GT: "Nah, just...kind of being a dick." She sighs. "Like, a really, REALLY big dick." 06:15 AA: "...you understand that's not really ruling out Jack-y behavior, right?" 06:15 GT: "OK, yeah, fair enough." 06:18 AA: "I guess I need to talk to him then. But it's not something he can fix if he doesn't want to work on it." 06:20 AA: "What happened, anyway?" 06:20 GT: "He...ran into a situation he didn't know how to handle, so he just...stopped caring, I guess." 06:21 AA: Sami nods. "Yeah. That seems to be his way of handling things like that." 06:21 AA: "Either not caring or acting flippant." 06:21 AA: "I think it's a big defense mechanism." 06:22 AA: "I think he's afraid if he starts really caring about something he's going to lose it." 06:23 AA: "Like he's lost so much else since entering the game." 06:23 GT: "Yeah, well, if he keeps using his precious defense mechanism that just might happen," she snaps. "He just fucking left! I raged at him, told him he wasn't my dad anymore, all this stuff and he just fucking CHUCKLED and made some bullshit reference!" 06:23 AA: Sami's brows go up in concern. "Why did you tell him he wasn't your dad anymore?" Her voice is sad. 06:24 GT: She looks down, not making eye contact. "Because... 06:24 GT: She looks down, not making eye contact. "Because...I don't know. I thought he'd be better off without me as his daughter." 06:25 AA: Sami sighs. "You two are so much alike." She pats Lily on the shoulder. 06:25 GT: "Turns out I just made things worse though, huh." 06:26 AA: "You can't do that sort of thing, Lily. Don't get me wrong, I know why you would want to--I've tried to do it in the past. Do you know how many times I tried to break up with Beau, to protect her?" 06:27 AA: "I went months trying to keep myself from dating the Beau I'm dating now, because I was scared I would end up hurting him, with all his bad memories of the Sami from his side." 06:28 GT: "But you're like, the nicest person I know! How would you ever hurt him?" 06:29 AA: "By making bad decisions and getting myself killed." Sami looks sad. 06:30 AA: "Or making deals that end up making someone try to use him as leverage against me." 06:32 GT: "Yeah, well, everyone makes bad decisions! That doesn't mean we should just isolate ourselves from everyone else because we MIGHT hurt them someday." 06:32 AA: Sami stares at Lily, a level expression on her face as if to say "Oh, really?" 06:33 AA: She quirks an eyebrow at Lily expectantly. 06:33 GT: "No, OK, stop right there. I see where this is going." 06:33 GT: "The difference here is that YOU haven't actually hurt anyone, and so you might just be working yourself up over nothing." 06:34 GT: "But I've..." She sighs. "I've hurt a lot of people. I don't just THINK I'll hurt Doir, I KNOW I will. And I DID." 06:34 AA: "I hurt you." Sami's voice is sad. "And Darmok is....I mean he will be..." Sami sighs. 06:34 AA: "...I don't know. But I know it's because of my bad decisions." 06:36 GT: "Yeah, but you couldn't help the first one, and you DEFINITELY couldn't have predicted the second one." 06:37 AA: "I could've refused the first one. I would've died, but I could've refused. And I decided to trust Libby and Meouet more than I trusted my principles." Sami's voice is ashamed. 06:38 AA: "Or at least I think I could've refused. I don't know. Maybe they could've forced me before they killed me." 06:38 AA: "But I could've TRIED." 06:40 GT: "C'mon, you shouldnt've thrown your life away on some stupid kid like me. Besides, can you imagine how guilty I'd feel if you'd died trying to stop me from becoming Imogen?" 06:40 AA: Sami shakes her head. "I still don't know who Imogen is. You said they were trying to change you into her when it happened, but I don't know who she is." 06:42 GT: "Imogen was going to be my sister. Libby's genetically engineered kid with Balish." 06:42 GT: "Then...plans changed. I got too rowdy. Didn't want to be Libby's precious doll anymore. If that even was Libby." 06:44 GT: "So she kidnapped me and force-fed me Balish bits to try and at least turn me into her physically." She grimaced. "Said the mental changes'd follow soon enough." 06:45 AA: Sami shakes her head. "I'm still not sure what actually happened there. When I talked to Libby recently, she didn't remember any of that....and she said that it wouldn't have worked anyway." 06:45 AA: "That you can't change how someone thinks just by changing their DNA." 06:47 GT: "...I dunno. Lately, I've been...kind of horrible. I can't help wondering if it's Imogen trying to make herself known." 06:47 AA: "If it is, then 'Imogen' has always been a part of you, I think." 06:48 AA: "I mean do you have any troll instincts? Do you find yourself craving a Kismesis or a Moirail or anything?" 06:49 AA: "Do you get all sweaty and excited when you see buckets?" 06:49 GT: "Uh." She blushes. "I don't think you have to be a troll to have a bucket fetish." 06:49 GT: "Trust me on this." 06:49 AA: Sami cocks her head. "Huh?" 06:49 AA: She sounds completely confused. 06:50 GT: "Never mind let's stop talking about this now." Lily's growing more and more fuschia by the second. 06:52 AA: Sami's eyes go wide and she blinks a few times. "Seriously? Buckets? Why?" Her tone is somewhat conspiratorial now. 06:53 GT: "I don't KNOW. I think it's, like, some kind of masochistic thing?" 06:53 GT: "It was weeeeeeeird. People have fucked-up kinks." 06:54 AA: "Oh, so you're not talking about you?" 06:54 GT: Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached peak blush capacity. "NO, OH MY GOD." 06:55 GT: "NEVER. NEVER EVER." 06:55 AA: "It's okay! Everyone's got their own thing." Sami blushes and looks around like she's afraid someone else will hear her. "Like I really like it when Beau says things to me in French." 06:56 GT: "Oh my God." She waggles her eyebrows. "Is that so, mon cherie." 06:57 AA: "Oh, wow..." Sami blinks a few times, and her voice gets serious, as she steadies her breathing. "Don't do that Lily." 06:57 AA: "You sort of sound like Beau did. I mean, you know....the Beau from our session." 06:57 AA: "Even though your accent is all wrong." 06:58 GT: Lily claps her hands over her mouth, blushing profusely. "OHNO. I'LL STOP, YES." 06:58 AA: "It's okay. Sorry. I uh....usually I'd be okay with joking around like that." 06:58 AA: "It just felt a little weird this time." 06:59 GT: "Yeah, no, OK, it's TOOOOOOTALLY fine. Seriously, don't mention it." 06:59 GT: "Don't." 07:01 AA: "Anyway, I don't think you're turning into someone else because of whatever Libby did." 07:02 AA: "I mean maybe your abilities will change, maybe you'll be tougher like a troll and I mean obviously you grew horns and started getting a little grayer..." 07:02 GT: "So then I was just always terrible, and my subconscious is using this shit as an excuse to really let loose." She slumps. "Great. That makes me feel so much better." 07:02 AA: "You're not terrible Lily!" 07:03 AA: "You've just got weaknesses. Like everyone!" 07:03 AA: "No one expects you to be perfect. The important thing is that you work to overcome the things that you're weak at!" 07:03 AA: "Which is the same lesson Doir needs to learn." 07:04 AA: "And if you don't like the things that 'Imogen' does, you need to find out why she does those things and find healthier ways to give her what she needs without doing things that makes Lily embarrassed." 07:06 GT: "Great. Let's start by asking her why she feels the need to ruin her siblings' lives." 07:08 AA: Sami's lips go pouty and her brows knit. "What happened with your siblings?" 07:09 GT: "Oh you know, just broke Merrow's trust and made Erisio so mad at me he might never speak to me again." 07:09 GT: "The usual, really." 07:10 AA: "Oh dear. What happened?" 07:12 AA: "Is this something to do with the things Erisio learned from Balish?" Sami blushes. 07:13 GT: "Well. Tangentially, I guess." 07:13 AA: Sami shudders. 07:13 GT: "I...basically spat on his mom's memory." 07:13 AA: "Oh no, Lily. Why?" 07:14 AA: Her voice is sad, but she's patting Lily on the back reassuringly. 07:15 GT: "I dunno. He was being stubborn, and I was trying to motivate him, and...it didn't go so hot." 07:16 AA: "Okay. So you had good intentions, see? You weren't trying to hurt him or anything." 07:17 AA: "Maybe you just need to work on understanding people better, so you know how the things you say are going to affect them." 07:17 AA: "You're a Seer of Mind, right? Oh, wait, sorry, no, I forgot. You're a Muse now." She whispers as she says this. 07:18 AA: "But either way. Maybe you could your Mind-y powers would help you with understanding that sort of things." 07:18 GT: "I dunno. That seems kind of...invasive, rummaging through peoples' minds like that." 07:18 AA: "Oh, I'm not talking about telepathy." 07:19 AA: "I'm talking about empathy. Like not listening to people's thoughts, but GETTING them." 07:20 GT: "Huh. So, like, just sort of pinging people to get a sense for them?" 07:20 AA: "Not necessarily. It's less about looking and more about knowing." 07:24 AA: "Like okay. Let me explain--with Breath, I don't necessarily have to call on powers to know where the wind currents are going, because I sort of have an inherent understanding of Breath." 07:24 AA: "A lot of learning this stuff was sort of learning to put it into context and get used to applying this stuff to the world around me." 07:26 AA: "But because of all that, I don't necessarily need to 'Do the Breath-y Thing' to do....well...Breath-y things." 07:26 GT: "Huh. OK, yeah, that makes sense. I think." 07:27 AA: "So you just need to start really listening to, and remembering, and thinking about the things you know about how people think." 07:30 GT: "So, like, what, I just think really hard about my fuckups and how to fix them?" 07:31 AA: Sami shrugs. "Yeah, pretty much." She chuckles. "That's pretty much what life is." 07:31 AA: "Or at least it's what my life is." 07:32 GT: "Blechhhh. Mind powers fucking suck." 07:33 AA: "Really? Why do you say that?" 07:33 GT: "Cause of all this reflection and self-growth bullshit." 07:34 AA: "Everyone has to do that, Lily. It's called growing up." She smiles at her. 07:34 GT: "Where's a trip to Neverland when you need one," Lily grumbles. 07:37 AA: "So have you had any luck figuring out what a Muse does yet?" 07:38 AA: "You've got a whole suite of new powers available to you and a class that no one really seems to know much about!" 07:38 AA: "I mean Libby probably does, but I think she keeps any books about it in her secret library. Not the public access libraries." 07:39 GT: "Yeah, I'll be honest with you, I don't know jack shit about what a Muse is supposed to do." 07:39 GT: "I mean, I assume I can do more stuff than just look now, but I don't really know WHAT other stuff." 07:40 GT: She shrugs. "If you've got ideas, I'm all ears." 07:42 AA: "I dunno. Maybe it works like a Page, and you can do anything within certain limits? Or maybe it's its own thing, and you do stuff like....I don't know, inspiring people." 07:42 GT: "Inspiring people," she says flatly. 07:43 AA: She shrugs. "I don't know. I just know that's what a muse is, right?" 07:43 AA: "Lower-case m muse, I mean." 07:43 AA: "Not the class." 07:43 GT: "Yeah, but seriously? I'm supposed to be a master class! Uber powerful and all that shiz! Not just...inspiring people." 07:43 AA: "Not the Sylphs are all that much like lower-case s sylphs." 07:44 AA: "I dunno. Muses are supposed to be as powerful as Lords, but I think they're ultra passive." 07:45 AA: "So I guess they're like the Scarlet of classes." Sami rolls her eyes as she says this. 07:46 GT: "Wait, OK, so, I STILL can't actually do anything in peoples' minds." 07:46 AA: "I don't know. Have you tried?" 07:46 GT: "Well, no. I was gonna if Erisio'd let me, but...not much chance of that happening now." 07:47 AA: "Passive and Active don't seem to be intuitive in this game. It doesn't really mean that you don't do anything." 07:47 AA: "It seems to be more about like reactivity or maybe acting as support for other people rather than for your own benefit." 07:50 GT: "Aw, boo. That's no fun." 07:55 GT: "But I mean, I guess I can figure out ways to do cool stuff with those limitations." 07:59 AA: "Yeah. I wish I could do some of the stuff Seers can do, for example." 08:00 GT: "What, seriously? All we can do is look but not touch." 08:00 AA: "Really? Libby seems to manage just fine with nothing but Seer powers." 08:01 AA: "Knowing things is really flipping important, Lily." 08:01 AA: "With proper knowledge ahead of time, we wouldn't have anything to worry about from any of the Twinks I bet." 08:02 AA: "If we knew what Jack was thinking before he did it, he would never be able to surprise us....and we could probably stop him from being able to hurt us." 08:02 AA: "If we knew what Scarlet was up to, we wouldn't be so easy for her to manipulate." 08:04 AA: "If we knew what the Horrorterrors were up to..." Sami sighs dreamily "Man. What I wouldn't give to know what they're up to. And whether I can trust them." 08:04 GT: "Yeah, no offense, but I'm not going near their minds with a ten foot pole. I'd probably go insane." 08:05 AA: "So don't go inside their heads. Remember what I was saying about understanding instead of looking?" 08:06 AA: "Libby doesn't have to go inside someone's veins to understand how their relationships affect them. Meouet doesn't have to share a person's rage to know what motivates them." 08:10 GT: "I guess, yeah. But how do you understand someone without getting inside their head?" 08:11 AA: "I don't know. I do it all the time. You just put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would feel in their situation. Not just you if you were in the situation they were in, but you if you were in the situation they were in and had been through the things they had been through." 08:13 GT: "So like, with Erisio..." She considers. "If he'd reminded me my dad's dead, and then told me he was full of shit..." 08:14 GT: "Yeah, I'd probably have punched him full-on in the face at LEAST." 08:14 AA: "Yeah." 08:14 AA: "And what would you want to hear right now if someone HAD done that stuff to you?" 08:14 AA: "Or what would you want someone to do about it?" 08:14 GT: "I guess apologize, probably. Beau said to give him time, though." 08:16 AA: "Beau's got good instincts about these things. But just as an exercise in thinking about how people think--you've got to think about whether you would want time before someone apologized to you about something like that." 08:19 GT: "Well..." She sighs. "I dunno. Honestly I'd find it hard to stay mad at Erisio for long, because he probably wouldn't have really meant it and...he's my brother, y'know? I've only got so many." She chuckles, then becomes serious again. "Honestly, I'D probably go and apologize to HIM first." 08:19 AA: "Yeah, but don't forget you're thinking about not you with the memories you've got now--you're thinking about him with the memories HE'S got now." 08:20 AA: "Which, yeah, you don't know ALL of his memories, but you know the ones he's told you about. Which are probably the most important ones to him." 08:24 GT: "Yeah. Well, from what he told me, he loved his mom a lot." 08:25 GT: "So, for me to just casually say she was shit like that...probably didn't feel great." 08:25 GT: She sighs. "He said I wasn't the Lily he used to know. Said he should have listened to Acenia." 08:25 AA: "Yeah. I'll bet. Once you got past her defenses, Null was a sweetheart." 08:25 GT: "I don't think he's going to be ready to forgive me for a good long while." 08:27 AA: "Maybe not. But if he matters to you, you'll try to do what you can for him even if he never forgives you." 08:28 GT: "Yeah. Even if he hates me, I still love him. And I'm gonna make sure he doesn't forget that." 08:28 AA: "Yeah. That sounds like the best thing you can do for right now." 08:29 AA: "But you said sibling*s*. Did something happen with Darmok?" 08:29 AA: "I noticed he's been scarce lately." 08:29 GT: "No, not Darmok. Who the fuck knows what's going on with him." 08:29 GT: "I mean Merrow." 08:29 AA: Sami looks sad when Lily says that bit about Darmok, but covers it up when she understands that's not what the conversation is about. 08:29 AA: "Oh. What happened there?" 08:30 GT: "I worked with Jack against him. He doesn't trust me anymore and he probably shouldn't." 08:30 AA: Sami nods. "I can understand where that would be really upsetting for him." 08:31 AA: "So what, that's it then? He just washed his hands of you?" 08:31 GT: She smiles. "Nah, he's better than that. He might not trust me right now, but he's willing to let me try and gain it back." 08:32 AA: "Oh. Well that doesn't sound so bad." 08:32 AA: "You know I've lost my friends' trust in the past, and had to work hard to gain it back." 08:33 AA: "I'm not sure if I've entirely regained it from everyone. Like Nate for example." 08:33 GT: "But...I don't even know where to START." 08:33 AA: Sami sighs. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Neither did I." 08:34 AA: "They saw me possessed and crazy and terrifying as flip, and I didn't know any way to convince them that I still deserved their trust." 08:34 GT: "So how'd you end up doing it?" 08:34 AA: "Well, like I said, I'm not sure if I ever fully did with Nate." 08:35 AA: "But mostly I just accepted that they didn't trust me for a while, and tried to always do right by them, and always keep my promises to them." 08:35 AA: "And to protect them whenever they were in danger." 08:35 AA: "Which is what I would've been doing anyway." 08:35 AA: "And I got a lot more careful about using my majjykk." 08:36 AA: "And found out from Libby how best to 'discharge' safely." 08:37 GT: "So, basically I should just not pull a stunt like that again and just try and make sure nothing else happens to him?" 08:37 AA: "And look for chances to do good things for them that they don't expect." 08:38 AA: "But don't do it for a reward, or to get brownie points. You probably shouldn't even mention it to them that you did it. You should just WANT to do things like that for them." 08:39 GT: "Like...tell them important stuff, maybe?" Lily looks like she's got an idea forming. 08:39 AA: "Maybe! But only if it's stuff that you want them to know." 08:39 AA: "You shouldn't be trying to force a relationship with people. It needs to come about naturally." 08:39 AA: "And that includes fixing a broken relationship." 08:39 AA: "So share with them information if it would make you happy for them to know it." 08:40 GT: "He should probably know about it anyways. It'll be better if I tell him instead of keeping it a secret from him until it leaks out." 08:40 AA: "If someone knows you're keeping secrets from them, it can definitely make them question how trustworthy you are." 08:41 GT: "So then yeah, I should tell him." 08:41 AA: "It's part of why I feel so bad keeping secrets from my friends. And especially Beau." Sami sighs and her face goes forlorn. 08:41 AA: "I wish I could tell everyone everything." 08:42 GT: "But you can't." Lily looks at her sympathetically. "I know. It's rough." 08:42 AA: "It feels so wrong, keeping secrets from friends." 08:43 GT: "You just gotta bear through it, I think. Try to keep in mind that maybe it's for the best." 08:45 AA: Sami sighs. "Maybe. But sometimes I worry if everyone knew the truth they would trust me even less....and that that makes me even more untrustworthy for letting them trust me to begin with." 08:46 GT: "You can't let yourself get trapped in logic circles like that, man. "They've gotta see something in you that's worth trusting if they do it even though they know you're keeping secrets." 08:47 AA: "Yeah." 08:47 AA: "Okay. Are you feeling better now?" 08:48 GT: "Mhm." She grins. "I'll feel even better once you whup some common sense back into Doir." 08:48 AA: "Yeah, that's the next item on the agenda." 08:49 GT: "Eeeeeexcellent. Bonus points if he cries." 08:49 AA: Sami gets up, and walks over to kiss Lily on the forehead. "Keep your chin up. I know you keep getting knocked on your butt, but you can always get back up when that happens." 08:49 GT: "I'm trying. The ground seems to be covered in a perpetual coating of ice, though." 08:50 AA: "Then throw down some kitty litter first." 08:51 GT: "Ooh, does that work?" 08:51 GT: "Also I think this metaphor has gotten away from us." 08:53 AA: "I'm just saying, there's always a way forward." 08:53 AA: "Even if it's hard." 08:55 GT: "Yeah, I'm trying. I'll stock back up on salt and things, give it another go." 08:55 AA: "Good. Now I'm going to go try to thump your dad in the head until he stops being a baby." 08:56 AA: "Or rather, until he stops being such a teenager." 08:56 GT: "Take pictures." 08:56 AA: "The fact that he IS a teenager is no excuse." 08:56 AA: "See you later, Lily." 08:57 GT: "Byeeeee!" She waves cheerily at her. -- galliardTartarologist GT ceased pestering arcaneArtisan AA at 20:59 --